***父母親的節日***多年來，兒子只記得母親節，卻忘了父親節，所以爸爸一直挺失落。又到了父親節，早上，全家人一起吃早飯，突然，孩子走到冰箱前，打開門，然後問： “爸爸，你知道今天是什麼日子嗎？”爸爸心中暗喜，想著兒子可能要給他一個驚喜。於是爸爸高興地回答：“今天是6月18日。”孩子有點失望地說：“哇，那牛奶過期了。”爸爸：……金句提醒：要孝敬父母，使你得福，在世長壽。這是第一條帶應許的誡命 。以弗所書 6:4
凤凰卫视主持人 鲁豫 采访 上海精神病院院长 徐一峰
天氣又開 始變得冷颼颼了，兄弟兩人要去逛百貨公司，經過公車站牌附近的銀行，就想先去銀行外面的提款機領點錢， 但不巧正好碰到運鈔車正在裝鈔。
兄一如往常簡短的問我：「凍手嗎？」 我照舊簡短地回答：「凍手！」 四個保全警衛的其中兩桿槍頭轉向了我們。
「哥~他們這樣，你怎麼都還不開腔呢？」 瞬時～四個保全警衛的四桿槍頭全轉向了我們。被扭往派出所後～ 警察問我哥：「你叫什麽名字？」
警察稍微提高音量:「你叫什麽名字？ 」 我哥：「蔣英宇。」
警察：「吼~ ! 好、好、好，What is your name？」 哥生氣了：「到底要問多少遍～！」~沉默以對！
警察無奈～ 轉頭問我：「What is your name？」 我有點怕，很快的回答他:
A Child’s Point of View!
The story of Adam and Eve was being carefully explained in the children’s Sunday School class. Following the story, the children were asked to draw some picture that would illustrate the story. Little Bobby drew a picture of a car with three people in it. In the front seat was a man and in the back seat, a man and a woman. The teacher was at a loss to understand how this illustrated the lesson of Adam and Eve. Little Bobby was prompt with his explanation. “Why, this is God driving Adam and Eve out of the garden!”
What would Jesus do?
Our fourth grader celebrated his birthday on crutches, so he couldn’t carry the cupcakes into school without help. I asked our sixth-grader, Noah, to help his brother carry them in. “I could,” he said, “but I’d prefer not to.” Spotting a teaching moment, my husband asked Noah, “What would Jesus do?” Noah answered, “Jesus would heal him so he could carry his own cupcakes.” —Rachel Nichols
God is the Answer
Josey wasn’t the best pupil at Sunday school. She often fell asleep and one day while she was sleeping, the teacher asked her a question. “Who is the creator of the universe?” Joe was sitting next to Josey and decided to poke her with a pin to wake her up. Josey jumped and yelled, “God almighty!” The teacher congratulated her. A little later the teacher asked her another question, “Tell me who is our lord and savior?” Joe poked Josey again and she yelled out, “Jesus Christ!” The teacher congratulated her again.
Note: you should not say God’s name in vain. The Bible says: “You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain, for the Lord will not hold him guiltless who takes his name in vain” (Exodus 20:7)
Who Makes the Coffee??
A married couple were arguing who is making the coffee, the wife said that in the Bible it says that men should make the coffee and the husband asked her where it said that. The wife opened the Bible and said: “Right here in HEBREWS!”
Timmy didn’t want to put his money in the offering plate Sunday morning, so his mother decided to use some hurried creative reasoning with him.
“You don’t want that money, honey,” she whispered in his ear. “Quick! Drop it in the plate. It’s tainted!”
Horrified, the little boy obeyed.
After a few seconds he whispered, “But, mommy, why was the money tainted? Was it dirty?
“Oh, no dear,” she replied. “It’s not really dirty. It just ‘taint yours, and it ‘taint mine,” she replied. “It’s God’s.”
Creation is Exhausting!
God is talking to one of his angels and says, “Do you know what I have just done? I have just created a 24-hour period of alternating light and darkness on Earth. Isn’t that good?”
The angel says, “Yes, but what will you do now?”
God says, “I think I’ll call it a day.”
Note: In fact God does not get exhausted. The Bible teaches：“The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength.” （Isaiah 40:28-29)
However, “Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” (Isaiah 40:30-31)
The Hand of God
Little Philip was walking home in the rain with his mother following Sunday worship. It finally stopped raining as they rounded the corner, where to their surprise and delight appeared a vivid double rainbow in the sky.
“Doesn’t it look like an artist painted this rainbow?” his mother exclaimed. “I bet God painted this just for you!”
“Yes,” replied Philip, “God did it, and he did it left handed.”
Confused, his mother asked him, “What makes you say God did this with his left hand?”
“Well,” said Philip, “we learned in Sunday School that Jesus sits on God’s right hand.”
Actual children’s versions of Christmas Carols:
“…sleep in heavenly peas”;
“Joy to the world, the Savior rains”;
“This is he whom Sears of old…”;
“Angels we have heard on high, sweetly singing o’er the plane”;
“While shepherds washed their socks by night.”
Children of Israel
“Dad, I want to ask you a question,” said little Josh after his first day of Sunday School.
“Of course,” said his Dad.
“The teacher was reading the Bible, about the Children of Israel building the Temple, the Children of Israel crossing the Red Sea, the Children of Israel making the sacrifices,” said Josh.
“So what’s your question?” his Dad asked.
“Well, didn’t the grown-ups do anything?!”
Do you Know Jesus Christ?
Because the parish cut his salary, the devout pastor took a job delivering pizzas to make ends meet.
On his first day on the job he was walking past a big construction site when he heard the workers using the foulest language he’d ever heard. He stopped and asked the man closest to him, “Do you know Jesus Christ?”
The worker bellowed to his colleagues, “Hey, does anybody know Jesus Christ?” After a pause he added, “His pizza is here.”
What Jesus would Say
The pastor was preparing pancakes for her young sons when the boys began arguing over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.
“If Jesus were sitting here,” she told them, “he would say, ‘Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait.’”
The younger boy turned to his brother and said, “You be Jesus.”
The Praying FlyPastor: What’s this fly doing in my soup?
Waiter: Praying.Pastor: Very funny. I can’t eat this. Take it back.
Waiter: You see? The fly’s prayers were answered.
A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. “Mama, look what I found”, the boy called out. “What have you got there, dear?” With astonishment in the young boy’s voice, he answered, “I think it’s Adam’s underwear!”
A flood covered the street and a man was sitting on a roof. The water was up to his knees. He prayed to GOD to save him. Minutes later, a boat with two people came by. They said to hop in but he said GOD would save him. The water was up to his waist. A boat came with one person in it. He said there was room, but the man said that GOD would save him. The Water was up to his neck. Then a boat came with no people and he thought that GOD would save him. He died an hour later and went up to HEAVEN. He asked GOD, ” Why didn`t you save me?” And GOD answered, ” What are you talking about? I sent you three boats!”
Heaven Knockin’ on Your Door
Knock Knock Who’s there? Heaven! Heaven who? Heaven seen you in ages!
A Nervous Wreck
Preaching his first sermon, the seminary student had written a thoughtful line in his sermon, “God called me to heal the sick, raise the dead, and cast out the devil.”
But in his nervousness, it came out like this: “God called me to heal the dead, cast out the sick, and raise the devil.”
Seeing is Believing
Day after day the atheist college professor would taunt his students with the same question. “Have you ever seen God??” Three times he asked. When no one dared answer, he always concluded, “Well, it is quite obvious there is no God.”
One day a Christian student had had enough.
The girl said to the class, “Have you ever seen our professor’s brain?” Three times she asked it. When no one answered, she concluded, “Well, it is quite obvious that our professor has no brain.”
Where Can We Find Jesus?The Sunday school teacher asked her first graders, “where can we find Jesus today?”Mary said, “in our hearts.”Billy said, “In heaven.”Tommy said, “In our bathroom.Asked to explain, Tommy said, “Every morning my dad knocks on the bathroom door and says, ‘Jesus Christ, are you ever going to come out?’”
Have you Found Jesus?
A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by
the river. He proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to
The minister turns and notices the old drunk and says, “Mister, Are
you ready to find Jesus?” The drunk looks back and says,
“Yes,Preacher. I sure am.”
The minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right
back up. “Have you found Jesus?” the preacher asked.
“No, I didn’t!” said the drunk.
The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him
up and says, “Now, brother, have you found Jesus?”
“No, I did not Reverend.”
The preacher in disgust holds the man under for at least 30 seconds
this time brings him out of the water and says in a harsh tone, “My
God, have you found Jesus yet?”
The old drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher…”Are you sure
this is where he fell in?”
- The above jokes have been collected by Emily Fong and Joy Qiu. Copyright is reserved for the original writers.
- The page is made by Joy Qiu in July 2021. Many thanks for her hard work.